Nights Like This
by kireira
Summary: Hisoka's recollection of his childhood. One-shot.


_Disclaimer_:  
The characters are wonderful creations of Matsushita Yoko.

_Warning_:  
References from all over Nagasaki Arc and King of Swords Arc. There's also one tiny reference to Hisoka's background that's only revealed in Kamakura Arc. This is not shounen-ai in the romantic sense… but I'm not sure what people think of Tsuzuki-Hisoka relationship, so I include this warning just to be safe. ^_^0

_Italics_ are thoughts and flashback dialogue.

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**Nights Like This**

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The roaring sound of thunder broke through the relative silence of the hotel room.

Hisoka's eyes snapped open, waking up from a dream. They darted wildly across the room for a second, until they registered the absence of metal bars on the wall. The boy let out a relieved sigh.

Slowly, he sat up on the bed, massaging his temples. Soft growling of distant thunderclouds intervened the constant humming of the rain and whistles of strong wind. On top of that he could feel the fear and anxiety from some people in other rooms, on other floors.

_No wonder I had a bad dream_, he thought. He glanced at the form of his partner beside him on the bed. Tsuzuki was sound asleep.

Pale light streaked in from the window as another lightning formed a distance away. Hisoka's hands jumped up to his ears, just a bit too late to prevent the loud roar from hitting his eardrums. He winced.

He contemplated crossing the room to close the window, but as his eyes fixed on the night scenery outside, his mind wandered off.

On nights like this, the cellar would be very cold. He would have woken up from the sound of thunder, shivering from the cold, tightening his kimono on his body. He would close his eyes tightly, trying not to heed the eerie shadows, the disturbing darkness. And he would fail, as restlessness came to assault his empathy from his family up there, adding to his own fear.

He shuddered from the cold that still felt the same. He drew his knees to his chest and hugged them, not so much to seek warmth than to seek comfort, as he continued to watch the rainstorm.

His mother had come to check on him on his first stormy night in the cellar. He had been so relieved to see her; he had run to her arms and she had let him. But upon the contact he had felt her apprehension; layering the motherly concern had been her fear, not of the storm but of him.

He had failed to keep a tiny squeak from escaping his throat, had pushed her slightly away by pure reflex. That little display of his empathy had not been lost on his mother, and his fearful eyes had widened even more as the worried concern had abruptly turned into furious reproach.

"_What is it with you?!_" she had yelled as she had pushed him with force, sending him stumbling to the floor. "_What child would be afraid to touch his own mother?!_"

"_I… I…_" he had tried to apologize, wanting the comforting arms back so badly.

"_Demon!_" Her quivering accusation had rung clear despite the growling thunderstorm outside. "_You are not my child!_"

Hisoka shivered again, the memory chilled him more than the wind blowing through the window. He got up from the bed, made his way to the window and quietly shut it.

Streetlights still shone in through the glass, and with that he found his way back to the bed. He knew he couldn't sleep anymore; he'd never been able to since the time he was a child in his house cellar, on nights like this. So he settled back into the same position, sitting on the bed hugging his knees.

_…but he won't allow it._ [1]

Hisoka turned quickly as he sensed a wave of emotion from Tsuzuki's direction. But the man was still sleeping, though his face looked slightly troubled. _He might be having a nightmare too,_ Hisoka thought. He didn't sense any more emotions from Tsuzuki, though, and he concluded that maybe the dream had simply faded away.

It relieved him that he wouldn't need to wake Tsuzuki up – he just felt like being alone when he was being extremely nostalgic like this.

"_Mother!_" He had frantically tried to catch her dress as she'd hurried away, and she had quickly shaken him off.

"_A child like you!_" The look on her face had scared the little boy so much he'd backed away. "_As if the curse isn't enough!_" [2]

And she had stomped out of the cellar, not bothering to leave the blanket she'd brought with her. Hisoka had stayed still, unable to move from the shock; the sound of the lock clicking into place drowned in the storming hatred.

She had never come to him again since that night, no matter how strong the storm had been.

Hisoka squeezed his eyes shut, feeling a tight sensation in his chest. _Why does it still hurt so much?_ He wondered. _I have my own life now. I have people who care for me. People who make me feel warm… like this…_

He opened his eyes in surprise, as he realized that the warmth was real. Not a physical warmth, but a similar nice feeling that enveloped his empathy; not something he understood, but one that he could feel. Flowing from somewhere, wrapping him in comfort, the warm feelings of love, concern, and familiarity –

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_…People who care for me._

"…Tsuzuki," he whispered without a sound.

_"Mother," _had been his quiet longing whisper before. Something different, but somehow the same.

He turned to look at Tsuzuki, who was still asleep, or feigning sleep.

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_…Thank you._

Hisoka lay back on the bed. There were two more hours till morning came, when there would be work to do.

He let the warmth lull him to sleep.

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_Author Notes:_

[1] That was taken from King of Swords Arc, when Tsuzuki didn't tell Hisoka that he'd been calling Tsuzuki for help in his nightmare, because "even if it was for a moment that he clung to me, he would never allow it." (Translation courtesy of theria.)

[2] I hope it doesn't confuse anybody. Hisoka's mother was referring to the curse on the Kurosaki family line.


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